February 14th, 1994 the biggest snowstorm hit Glendale. Everyone was out enjoying the day together but they had no clue the storm was about to hit. The snow started and everyone started to rush home. It was so heavy you could not see what was happening in front of you. It was that day, they day I would be alone for the rest of my life. My parents were driving home from a hamlet when a car in front of them swerved out of control and hit them dead on. My dad died instantly but my mom was rushed to the hospital were she lived for a couple more hours then passed away. Getting my parents back was irrevocably.
After my accident I became feeble and things became very vague to me.My only family member and only friend left was my dog Parker. Even though he couldn’t really talk, it seemed like he always had something to say. I didn’t know of any other family members so we quickly packed up and ran away so no one could put us in a foster home. The only place where I knew to go was the pond down by the train station. It was quite small but it was perfect for us. The willow trees enclosed us so it could not be seen from the outside. Purple and pink flowers grew all around and the tall cattails blew in the wind. For the first couple of nights we were there Parker and I huddled together for body heat and placed the covers over us that we had took from our old house.
When the spring came I knew we needed shelter. Parker and I collected wood and pieces of long grass, weeds and hay, anything we could use to build a house. I pinioned the branches together and stuck them into the ground to make walls and placed a roof over them. For extra protection I gathered willow tree branches and tied them to the top. I took the little table and put it in the center with a couple flowers in a mug of water on the center of the table and placed the blankets neatly in the corner to make a little bed. I didn't have any prowess on how to build a house but it was perfect for me.
It’s been a couple years since then and I am now 16. Parker and I have survived by catching fish with a gaff that I made and ate vegetables and fruit we have grown. I also built a siff which Parker and I would spend hours on. We looked at our reflections in the water, my blonde hair out of place and my blue eyes blinded by the irredescene. When I get thwarted I sit out there for hours and watch everything around me. Parker sits there his shaggy brown hair sparkles in the sn and his tongue hangs out of his mouth. Other than Parker it’s been very lonely and I wish someone was here to talk to me. Although Parker is here having him is not the same as having a person to talk to, somebody that can actually respond to me. Ever since my parents have died I have had no real connection to the outside world.
It was a cheery sunny morning and Parker and I were lying under the shade of a willow tree watching cygnet when we heard something splashing in the water. It didn’t sound like ducks or fish and we were wondering what it was. We carefully snuck through the cattails making sure we didn’t scare it.
We thought nobody knew. No one had come here since I have been here; I didn’t know anyone knew the pond existed. I didn’t know what to do, she was just swimming there peacefully and I didn’t want to scare her. I sat there and watched; I forgot what it was like to see someone other than yourself and your dog. She swam for a long time and then dragged herself out and laid by the edge for a while. Her long brown hair glistened in the sun and her hazel eyes wandered around taking in all of the beautiful pieces of nature. Her eyes stopped when my house came into view. She picked her self up and started to walk over to it. Thoughts were racing through my head; I had no idea what I should do. I got up and followed her to my house I heard her shuffling through things and I didn’t want her going through the little stuff that I had. “Hello?” I said as she jumped startled that anybody was around. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just hoping you would leave my stuff alone.”
“Oh, I am so sorry.” She said politely, retiring fromy stuff. “But who are you, I haven’t seen you around and what are you doing here?
“I’m Jack. The reason why I’m here, well its along story. Who are you?” I answered and at that point I knew I would not be a recluse any longer.
“My name is Elizabeth, and your story, why you’re here, it can’t be that long can it. She replied.
“Well I guess not.”
“Can I hear it then?” She asked.
“Sure.” We walked out of the house and sat together next to the pond. I explained the terrible day that left me alone and why I came here. She pet Parker as she listened carefully to my story, and by the time I was done it was nearly sunset. We sat there for a moment while she took it all in.
“Wait, are you Jack Harper? Your parents were John and Diane Harper?” She curiously asked.
“Yeah. How… how do you know?” I asked.
“Well ever since your parents died everyone has been wondering where you went and they went looking for you, and now I am the only one that knows where you are.
“Please don’t tell.” I said.
“I wouldn’t dream of it. I have to go now my parents will be wondering where I am but I will be back.
It’s been seven years exactly from that day. I am getting married to a girl with long brown hair that found me when I was hiding. Every day after that day she came back to see me and we got to know each other. She sometimes brought me food, she thought I was gaunt and would tell me stories about her life. From that one summer day I knew I would never be alone again.
9 comments:
1. I would the reader to get out of the story that somebody will always find you even when you are hiding. I was trying to get across that even if something bad happens you can be happy even if you try.
2 I think that the setting works well with the story and i thought that it was pretty easy to write.
3.I dont think the description of the main character Jack is working well because i dont really know how to describe him since he is the one telling the story. The problem i am having is putting the vocab words into it and i have not yet done that.
4. I think I need some help with the description of Jack. At sime parts in the story I had difficulty writing it so if you have any suggestions that would be geat. I really need help with developing Jack
The internal conflict is that he has no one to talk to but her dog and he wants a person. The conflict is resolved by a girl visiting him every day and eventually getting married to him so he will never be alone again. At the beginning Jack is very lonely and can’t talk to someone that will understand what he’s saying but at the end he has a human wife. I think his epiphany is that no one is going to do anything if he comes out of hiding.
My favorite part was when you described the girl in the pond because you put so much detail into that one part which makes sense seeing that she’s going to be his wife forever. “Her long brown hair glistened in the sun and her hazel eyes wandered around taking in all of the beautiful pieces of nature.”
The best quality would probably be the overall story because it was very interesting and I would’ve never thought of writing that kind of story. The theme is that friends are the best things to have and keep.
The only thing that you could do is explain that Parker is a dog sooner because I thought he was his brother and grammar mistakes. Other than that your story was very good.
Good Story Katelyn!
The conflict of this story is that Jacks parents died. It is internal because she has no one to talk to and is lonely. He meeting a girl resolved it, and they got married, and he was never lonely again. Something that could of made it more dramatic was him dying.
The protagonist changed overtime because in the beginning he was lonely, but in the end he was married. His great sight was when he first saw her, and knew his life would change. The story would not have been resolved if he never saw her, and would not be as good.
My favorite part of the story was when I found out they got married. This was the best possible resolution in my opinion that could have ended it so good job Katelyn! A quote that I really liked from this story was, “Her long brown hair glistened in the sun and her hazel eyes wandered around taking in all of the beautiful pieces of nature.” I like this quote because it is very descriptive.
The best quality to this story is the setting. Without it the story could have never taken place, and the resolution would have never been reached. The two characters that fell in love and got married never would have met.
The stories theme is that your life can change fast, and friends and love is a powerful thing to have.
The only thing to improve on in your story is to make it clear that Parker is a dog, because I thought he was a human friend.
Awesome Job Katelyn!
1.) The conflict of this story was an internal conflict. The problem was, was that Jack's parents died and he was lonely. The conflict was resolved when Jack met a girl, and they ended up getting married so he wasn't ever alone! I think that if Katelyn made the story more dramatic, it would have over done it.
2.) The protagonist changed by going from being lonely and alone, to being happy and married. The story would have not been resolved if Jack never saw her.
3.) I agree with Hannah, and my favorite part of the story was when Jack and the girl got married! It made me happy that he wouldn't be alone anymore.
"From that one summer day I knew I would never be alone again."
I like this line because it closes the story and leaves you smiling knowing that he is happy and not alone!
4.) I would deffinately keep your story the way it is. I like how you don't find out that Jack is a dog until the end. It kind of throws off the reader.
Great Job Kates!<3
The conflict is that The charcter has no one to talk to and is lonely. His parents died and now he is all alone. It is an internal conflict.
The charcter chnaged over time because in the begining he was very lonely. But in the end he ended up married and happy. His whole life chnaged when he saw her that's how he became less lonely. Then he married her. If he didn't see her they wouldn't have gotten married and then he would've been at the same place he started ...lonely.
My favorite part was when he saw her. She described the scene very well and I could actucally picture it.
"Her long brown hair glistened in the sun and her hazel eyes wandered around taking in all of the beautiful pieces of nature."
I thoguht she was very decriptive in this piece.
The short story's best quality was the plot. I liked how in the begining you kind of feel sad for the charcter and at the end he's gotton past his parents deat and he is no longer lonley. I liked the ending a lot.
The only thing I would recommend would be to use more details in some areas and in others just shorten a little. But overall I thoguht it was really really good.
The conflict of the story is that Jack’s parents died so he was alone for a long time. It was an internal problem because he is so lonely. This was resolved when he meets Elizabeth and eventually marries her, because he isn’t alone anymore. It could be more dramatic if something happened to Parker, like he got attacked by a wild animal or something, but the story is good as it is.
Jack is very lonely in the beginning, and he is very independent. By the end though, he develops a relationship with Elizabeth and eventually marries her. His epiphany is when he realizes that he will no longer be a recluse. Without the change, Jack would be lonely for the rest of his life and there would be no story.
My favorite part of the story is when Jack is telling about where he lived because you used really good imagery and it was easy to tell what you were talking about. “Purple and pink flowers grew all around and the tall cattails blew in the wind.”
I think the story’s best quality is the rising action. You described Jack adjusting to living in the wilderness very well. There was really goo imagery and description in that section of the story.
I think that the theme is that you can be happy despite hardships in your life. Jack was lonely and sad after his parents died, but when he met Elizabeth, he was happy again.
You need to work on some spelling and grammar but not much. You should make clear in the beginning that Parker is a dog- I was so confused until near the end when you wrote “I forgot what it was like to see someone other than yourself and your dog.”
Great story!
hamlet-(n.)small village. The hamlet was where Jacks parents got into car accident.
irrevocably-(n.)can not be changed. I used irrevocably to show that Jacks parents couldnt be replaced.
feeble-(adj.)weak or frail. It was used to show how Jack was after the accident.
vague-(adj.)not clear. After the accident things were not clear to Jack.
pinioned-(v.)to bind or shackel. Jack binded his house together.
prowess-(n.)extrordinary skill. I used it to show the skill of house making Jack had.
gaff-(n.)spear for fishing. I used it to show what Jack used to catch fish
skiff-(n.)small flat bottomed rowboat. I used skiff to tell the kind of boat Jack had built.
irredescene-(n.)a rainbow like play of color. I used it to show what Jack saw in the water.
thwarted-(v.)frustrate and confuse. I used it to show how Jack felt.
cygnet-(n.)a young swan. I used it to describe the setting and to show what was around Jack.
retiring-(v.)to recede or withdraw. I used it to show that Elizibeth was walking out of the house.
recluse-(n.) a person who leads a secluded life. I used it to show that Jack was alone.
gaunt-(adj.) thin and angular. I used it to show how Jack looked.
The greatest change from my first draft to my final draft is that in my final draft I have better vocabulary. Also my story is more detailed and I have taken out what is not necesarry. The editing process that was most helpful for me was the comments. By doing the comments I got a lot of suggestions what to do from many different people so it gave me ides of what I could change. I think my stories best quality is the detail in my rising action. I also think how Jack met Elizibeth was pretty good. The advice to next year students that I would give would be to write your story then add your voccab words in because it is much easier. Also it is important to add a lot of detail.
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